Been Such a Long Time, Was Too Afraid to Post

i'm not sure what to say. its been such a long time, four months since i posted. so much has happened, so much i want to say, but so much that i am afraid to voice. mostly for fear of reprisal. but who should i fear? some of my family have unfriended me on Facebook and the rest don't talk to me. (lol) let's see, where to start? oh, yeah, my father moved down here to San Antonio, to try and be a family again.but we'll see. so, after he moved down here, things between me and mom got really rocky and i told her it was best if she moved out. she, dad, and my grandma moved out, but now things between me and mom aren't that great. she's mad at Damien and its me she should be mad at. then, right after Thanksgiving, Damien left for Maryland for his new job. that leaves me and the kids alone in this big house. my life sucks. 
the only thing i can think of right now, is my latest tattoo. on my right forearm are tattooed the words, "you never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have." i have to be strong, i have to get through this. we, as a family, need this. i can't say that the time away from Damien will do us any good but we have to make it work. i miss him so much. i miss my mom too. not much i can do about it though. i visit as often as i can, but its not enough. i feel so alone, especially when i'm sitting up at my desk at night because i can't sleep. 
i don't know what else to say. i'm lonely, i'm depressed, i don't sleep, and i don't know how i'm going to keep pushing through. but i know that my kids need me. i do promise to keep posting more, i just can't promise that they will be happy posts.

later y'all

Blessed Be