Kendra

i want to start this blog off with a picture. this is a pic that Damien took for me this morning of a small memorial that we have set up for our beloved Kendra. you see, we made the decision to have Kendra put to sleep yesterday. she was a tender 8 years old, so young. and so beautiful. Kendra was a seal-point Siamese that Damien had adopted. unknown to us, she was infected with the feline herpes virus, or feline viral rhinotracheittis. after helping fight this life long disease, it finally got the best of her, and as a result cancer set in. she went downhill so fast. 

but the point of this particular blog, is to about the loss that many suffer but that most think is insignificate. the loss of a beloved pet. a part of the family. and in some cases, the loss of a part of ones self. when you love and cherish something as small, dependent, and loving as a pet (in this case a cat), it is hard not to feel an emptiness in your heart when they are gone. after losing Gringo so unexpectedly, i was left with a hole in heart, a void. then i got Kitty and the void was patched, but i still miss Gringo so much. nothing will ever replace him. since losing Kendra yesterday, i have never seen Damien so distraught. he is beside himself with grief. she was his world, his companion, his shadow, and his constant. and anyone who has ever has a Siamese knows that when they pick their person, that they are theirs for life. they bonded in way that only comes along once in lifetime. he takes solace in knowing that she is now in the Summerland, happy and healthy, forever sunning herself in warm window, and that one day he will be with her again. 

its interesting how they met. a true love-at-first-site story. we were at PetSmart, going to the Banfield clinic with our first 3 cats. they were having an adoption day with several rescue societies. he wanted to go look, just to go look mind you. and he saw her. a tiny little white and black Siamese, she looked like a little rat she was so skinny with her long thin tail. he picked her up and she immediately went right to his shoulder and began to lick his ear. she had him "lick". 

even as much as she annoyed him at times, he still loved her. it was a mutual unconditional love. I've never seen him cry, until yesterday. 

its hard to understand why some people say that animals, or pets, have no soul. if you could see the two of them, you would think differently. may her little soul rest in peace and may she find the happiness that she had here with her Daddy. when we get her ashes back on Tuesday, they will forever sit on his desk.

later

Blessed Be

some people and their attitude

its been busy here since we got back from florida. all the prepping and getting ready for the vow renewal, the renewal itself on the 7th, and then i started school on the 11th. then i feel like i just haven't had anything to post. i want to post, i want to vent, but i'm afraid that if i do, some people will see it and the world will explode. but if i've unfriended everyone that would cause a stink, why should it matter? 

on a good side note, my dad came down for a week's visit and it was great. i haven't seen mom so happy in such a long time. and the kids couldn't get enough of him. we all miss him already. can't wait till he gets back. :)

but the real thing that bothers me is i don't understand why a parent would think that it is ok to tell their child that they (the child) essentially sucks at being a parent. my husband has tried very hard to be a parent to ALL of OUR children, but there have been obstacles in the way. namely the parent in offence. i don't understand, what would give anyone the right to call another person a failure? especially in the subject of family or in being a parent. its just wrong, so fucking wrong. we try very hard to be the best parents that we can be, and we have done very well. we get complemented on our kids all the time. and alex gets praise from his doctors all the time about how well he is cared for. yes, we have made some mistakes, but we have gone out of our way to correct and learn from them. but some people just won't give us the tools that we seek and need to be a good and responsible parent to ALL OUR kids. 

yes, i will admit that i have 4 kids and 1 step-daughter... but how can i accept her as my daughter when i have never been accepted as her mom? as far as some people are concerned, i will never be anything more than.... i don't know what. its frustrating. i was supposed to be temporary, a phase. we were supposed to last just 2-3 years, then he would move on. that's not what happened, we are now a well bonded family, permanent. and sayurday's ceremony was meant to prove that to some people. and i have a feeling it left a bad taste in her mouth. 

laters.

Blessed Be.