My January

I am once again sitting here, steeping in my own life, not wanting to share it. It's 4am and I can't sleep because I’m so stressed out. Since the 15th of January, my Keurig broke, my fridge's ice dispenser is leaking, 2 of the 4 bathrooms in my house are not working, the kitchen faucet went out, I’m behind a truck note, and now I’m being sued for child support. And I wonder why I can't sleep. A week ago, I giggled thinking at least I wasn't the guy down the street that had his rims/tires stolen right off his truck, but I think now he might have been better off than me. 

So, I’ll break it down one "tragedy" at a time:

          My Keurig gets a workout. I used it several times a day, the kids used, and occasionally, my husband used it. We had one of the large ones, that had an 80oz water tank. So, you know the thing worked hard. J I go on a weekend hunting trip with Damien, only to come home to a broken Keurig. All I wanted all weekend was fresh tea, a 16oz glass of it. Get home and the pump in the damn thing has gone out. My daughter is sorry, and I tell her that its ok, it wasn’t her fault. Unfortunately, I can’t run out and get a new one, I must wait till payday on the first. But I will not be defeated! I go to mom’s and borrow hers.

          On to the next upset, the fridge. This is still a work in progress. Came home from the hunting trip to realize that the ice dispenser was leaking from somewhere and it was all over my floor. Called the extended warranty from Lowes, the guy comes out, and has to order a part. Still waiting for that, dispenser still leaking, and I’m still frustrated at the whole thing. I just had the defroster in the damn thing fixed, now this. I hate GE. At least I have the extended warranty.

          Again, getting home from the hunting trip, only to get told by my boys that their bathroom toilet has stopped working. I go in there to troubleshoot it and realize that the insides to the tank have completely fallen apart. Nothing I can do till the first, so I shut down the toilet and they will have to use the powder/guest restroom for a little while.

          A few days after all this, the kitchen sink faucet decides to lose water pressure at 9pm and leak all over the counter. Story of my life it seems. I HAVE to have a kitchen sink that functions. I will have to do this on my own. With no other options, I reluctantly open a Lowes account. The next morning, I go to Lowes and pick out a nice faucet, one that will function well with our family. I then drive 45 minutes away to pick up my parents and dad and I install the new faucet. I at least got some family time with my parents and a new faucet out of this one.

          Ok, on to the upstairs bathroom, which belongs to my beautiful daughter. A week later, after the hell weekend, her toilet does the same thing as the boys’. But she can’t go without a toilet because it’s too far to come all the way downstairs to go to the restroom. Really, it’s too far. So, back to Lowes I go. What I thought would be an easy fix ripping out the old tank plumbing and installing new plumbing, turned into a 2 day, 4 trips to Lowes, ordeal. And I still didn’t get it down to my liking. She needs a new handle, I had to take the one off the boys’ toilet for now to get hers working. Nothing on those damn toilets is standard. Nothing! But I was able to at least get her bathroom working again. J

          The reason for the truck note being behind. That was a problem that showed up at the first of the month. So, I guess the whole month has been bad. What a way to start off the New Year. I was having trouble with the front end of my truck shaking very badly at high speeds, really anything over 60mph. And in Texas, that’s usually slow. I took the truck into the dealership, and was told the answer was simple. My tires were bald. Not good. I had to make a choice, pay the truck note or get new tires, the cheap ones too. I opted for the tires. I’ll get the truck note caught up, just gonna take me a few months. Unless a miracle happens. At least I got new tires and the shaking stopped. That’s always a bonus.

          And finally, the child support issue. This one hurts. And before anyone suggest or thinks, no I have not been ignoring the problem on this one. I think about it every day, wondering what I did to deserve this. Long story short, when I divorced my ex-husband, I received custody of the kids. He was ordered to pay $182 a month for both children. I raised my daughter and son, with the help of Damien and my family, the best that any mom could for 10 yrs. But my son would not accept life as it was. So, in 2013 I split custody of the kids with my ex. I got my daughter, and he took our son. Our son has been an angel ever since he got what he wanted, his dad. For two years, things went by smoothly. Then my daughter turned 18 and I got hit with a court order to pay $360 a month to my ex for the support of our son! $360!! I got a lousy $182 for 2 kids, and he wants $360 for one! Yes, I’m fighting it, but I’m not getting very far very fast. You see, so long as we split custody there was supposed to be no child support. Technically, I still retain custody of my daughter because she’s still in high school. That’s my ace and I’m praying it works. I’ll leave my ex-husband financial rant for another post.

          Anyway, that was my January. I hope this post finds you well and you had a better start to the New Year.

Blessed be…

Lessarey 

Getting back in the swing

I stopped blogging a some years ago. Not because I didn't have anything to say, but because I had too much to say. So much going on, so many changes so fast. So many things I didn't want to air out for people to see, certain people. But I know now that if I talk about those things and get them out I'll feel better. I know now that sharing my experience, strength and hope can maybe help someone else. I don't have to post a link to my blog on social media, i.e. Facebook, but I can let others know that they are not alone in their struggles.

First I would like to say that the main reason I quit with my (for me) therapeutic blog, was because I got sober. I didn't want to talk about it. Not because I was sober but because of the nature of my addiction. I am 3 years and 10 months into my sobriety from sex addiction. I want to say I'm proud but pride is one of my biggest flaws. I'm content. For the first time in my life I can say that. 

The second reason is Alexander, my youngest. You see, Alex has a rare form of muscular dystrophy called mitochondrial encephalomyopathy. Big words, I know. I don't like talking about it much. And you'll notice with me, I don't like talking about things much at all. But Alex is better off than some. But in his own world, our world, what he and we deal with is enough. Alex's mito disease takes a lot out of him. Sometimes faster than he can put it back. Someone once said it was like taking 2 Volkswagen batteries and trying to run a Ferrari off them. You don't get very far very fast. Alex burns through energy so fast but eats twice what a child his age should. And he's so skinny. It's hard being his mom, or dad. I've learned immense strength from him. And I've learned to be happy just to be alive. That each breath is precious. 

The last reason I quit is I didn't want to talk about my struggles with Damien and his injuries. Like I said, I tend to keep a lot inside and it's unhealthy. Damien was injured in a active-duty military related accident in August of 2006; which resulted in a back injury, TBI, and hip/shoulder problems. From the back injury, he now has nerve damage, loss of use of most of his left leg and chronic pain. The TBI has its own set of issues. He forgets, a lot. Chronic migraines. Issues with irritability and cognition. He has lost so much; memories, education, how to do stuff. He can't remember the day Donovan was born. Some stuff comes back slowly, others may not come back at all. 

These are just some of the things that I will write about in the future. But this time I will share because I know now that I don't have to share with those that don't matter. More on that one soon. 

Blessed Be,

Lessarey