Getting back in the swing

I stopped blogging a some years ago. Not because I didn't have anything to say, but because I had too much to say. So much going on, so many changes so fast. So many things I didn't want to air out for people to see, certain people. But I know now that if I talk about those things and get them out I'll feel better. I know now that sharing my experience, strength and hope can maybe help someone else. I don't have to post a link to my blog on social media, i.e. Facebook, but I can let others know that they are not alone in their struggles.

First I would like to say that the main reason I quit with my (for me) therapeutic blog, was because I got sober. I didn't want to talk about it. Not because I was sober but because of the nature of my addiction. I am 3 years and 10 months into my sobriety from sex addiction. I want to say I'm proud but pride is one of my biggest flaws. I'm content. For the first time in my life I can say that. 

The second reason is Alexander, my youngest. You see, Alex has a rare form of muscular dystrophy called mitochondrial encephalomyopathy. Big words, I know. I don't like talking about it much. And you'll notice with me, I don't like talking about things much at all. But Alex is better off than some. But in his own world, our world, what he and we deal with is enough. Alex's mito disease takes a lot out of him. Sometimes faster than he can put it back. Someone once said it was like taking 2 Volkswagen batteries and trying to run a Ferrari off them. You don't get very far very fast. Alex burns through energy so fast but eats twice what a child his age should. And he's so skinny. It's hard being his mom, or dad. I've learned immense strength from him. And I've learned to be happy just to be alive. That each breath is precious. 

The last reason I quit is I didn't want to talk about my struggles with Damien and his injuries. Like I said, I tend to keep a lot inside and it's unhealthy. Damien was injured in a active-duty military related accident in August of 2006; which resulted in a back injury, TBI, and hip/shoulder problems. From the back injury, he now has nerve damage, loss of use of most of his left leg and chronic pain. The TBI has its own set of issues. He forgets, a lot. Chronic migraines. Issues with irritability and cognition. He has lost so much; memories, education, how to do stuff. He can't remember the day Donovan was born. Some stuff comes back slowly, others may not come back at all. 

These are just some of the things that I will write about in the future. But this time I will share because I know now that I don't have to share with those that don't matter. More on that one soon. 

Blessed Be,

Lessarey