i know i haven't posted in a while, but i'm just going through so much stuff i don't want to talk about. Damien retired in late February from the Army on a medical discharge. we knew things would be tight in March till all the retirement pay and VA benefits kicked-in in April. but April came and went, and all we got was disability and Army retirement. The VA hadn't processed paperwork yet. here we are in the middle of May and we are still waiting on the VA to get off their ass. we're getting paid, but its not quite enough to cover all of our expenses. we will survive though, we always do, somehow.
then Damien tells me he has news. he got a job. great! and its in Maryland. :( bad... what am i gonna do? we (the family) have to stay here, so that means he'll have to go by himself. not cool. so looking for him a place to stay. figuring out what to take and what can stay. the boys are gonna be devastated when we tell them daddy has to leave, and its not a hunting trip. but we are already preparing for that.
i'm burned out on school. i'm behind in 2 classes. i know, i should be doing my work instead of blogging, but like i said, i'm so burned out. i need a cheerleader lol. the family wants me to take the summer off, to rest and try to get a second wind. but i'm afraid if i do that i won't go back in October for the Fall2012 quarter. i still have to file my FAFSA for financial aid the academic year. so tired....
i need a vacation, a me vacation. not a family vacation. Damien gets to go on these hunting weekends all the time, i get stuck at home. i want a weekend by myself. to rest, recuperate, sleep all day, whatever.
as most of you know, i'm BiPolar. very BiPolar. it is something that i battle with everyday. i'm proud that i have this dysfunction, it is part of who i am. but this war that i fight gets tiring, it gets old. i've been taking a new medication, something old school, since around thanksgiving and i have tried several different doses. anyway, i'm not liking the way it makes me feel, emotionally. but then it is supposed to stabilize my emotions. :( still doesn't make the feeling cool. i stopped taking it monday, but Damien and my shrink want me to go back on the middle dose. just for a little while, and treat the manic symptoms as they come. so, i don't know, i guess i'll give it one more try.
Some good has come about though. Damien got me, mom, and Leva (my grandma) a big bouquet of lilies for mother's day. and he wrote the sweetest, most heart-felt card to go with it. it was great. :)
that's my life in a nut shell. at least at the moment. chat with everyone later. at least Alex is doing pretty good right now.
oh, and here's an article that i found a few days ago that kinda made me feel better...
Bipolar Disorder Has Its Upside
I am sorry to hear that Damien is leaving. My friends husband had a job out of state for about 2 years. It was hard. I hope that he isn't gone for too long.
ReplyDeletethey are saying its a 3y contract. after that, its a mystery. we are hoping they can transfer him back here.
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