Friday, April 12, 2013

Finding my way with new coping skills

i'm working on changing some of my bad coping behaviors with healthier, better coping behaviors. but it almost seems like an impossible task. i know its because i'm trying to change too much too fast. i feel like i'm trying to change the very fiber of my being. i feel like i'm being set up for failure before i really even get started. i know these changes are for the best if i want my relationship to work. i know they are for the best if i want to better myself. 

Coping skills:
* seek out support/friends. DO NOT isolate myself. 
* learn to control and let go of my anger by taking a walk, not breaking/throwing things, and not screaming. Breathe deep, always.
* take an active role in fighting depression by getting exercise such as walking the dogs.
* avoid destructive sexual behaviors by calling a supportive friend. 
* take my meds. Even when I feel I don't need them. Including sleeping pills. 
* creative writing exercises


one of my new coping skills is to write, both poetry and short story. but i'm so stressed out and depressed right now i can't think. i downloaded some apps to assist me in writing poetry. i figured i'd start there first. a little more simple than trying to write a short story. even though i have these apps to help me write, i still have writer's block today. but then it has been a hell of a day and i'm tired. 

when it comes to getting more active, i did try to walk the dogs with lena today but king ended up dragging me. i put a stop to that by running to Petsmart and getting him a prong collar. much more well behaved now lol. so gonna try walking them again tomorrow. 

right now i'm sitting here, writing my blog, trying to cope. coping with the fact that i have really f'ed up this time. i miss damien, i miss my companion, my best friend, my lover. i wish i could change the things i did, take back the things i said, but alas, i cannot. what i can do is change the future. coping skills, that's what i need. and a strong support system. i need to shed all of this negative thinking and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. to see the good things in life. positive happy thoughts is what i need. 


i will get through this!

blessed be

later

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